i am so tired.

i don't want my life to be like this.

would i be forgiven by friends, gods, if i just ended it all?

give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up give up

taking my dinner--two hot dogs, cup of coffee--up to my room

nowhere to set plate down to open my bedroom door

tried to balance

plate tipped, food went onto the carpet, splashed ketchup all over my shirt, pants, jacket

dog hair all over food because nobody ever cleans up after their dog

picked up food, crying

gonna eat it anyway cause i'm broke til payday on thursday and i have work tomorrow--can't throw food away



but i wish i was allowed to be dead.

i wish i was allowed to be dead

please let me be dead

just kill me already

i really thought things would be different.

they are.

they're worse.

fine. i'll die then.

should take about a week before the heart attack hits, with no meds.

i am not supposed to have my medications.

i am just supposed to die.

i have never had a clearer demonstration of how little i matter than today.

i don't want to live and nobody else wants me to live, either.